Hello everybody, hope everybody is doing great. End SEM fever is raging high. But for engineers, ALL IZZ WELL. Well after my two blog posts on love, this blog post is to narrate the two years of my higher secondary school life. I have a very bad habit of not sharing my woes with my friends. Friendship is all about sharing be it happiness or grief. But I haven’t been sharing the latter of the two. But, in this blog post I will share everything that is within me, about how I faced the biggest downfall of my life till date. Without much ado, I begin..
The New World:
It was 11th standard then, July of 2008, the first day of 11th Standard. We all had passed our 10th board and we had to choose our stream for the future, and I chose science. Science for me was an uncharted ocean; science for me wasn’t a passion but just a mere medium to reach IT Engineering. I was never enchanted by the laws of physics, chemistry compounds or the curve tracing in maths.
So, we entered the gates of our heaven, our school on July 26th 2008. For the first time, Rebecca, Ritika and I after 3 years were standing in queues of different divisions. All throughout the prayer time, and then we three kept looking at each other’s face letting each other know about our nervousness and excitement through out gestures.
It was just the first day and I was feeling very alien in 11th A. I felt as if I …. Read Full
The Academic Fallout:
This was the main factor which constituted my fall. Since 3 years in my 8th, 9th and 10th standard, all people 2 years junior to me and 2 years senior to me, had heard only one guy- Anish Desai coming 1st repeatedly exam after exam year after year in the “A” division and also in all four divisions at times. (Sorry, if I am speaking too high about myself, but I give all the credit to my Lord for my achievements). Same was the case with my teachers and parents. They had stopped congratulating me for my 1st ranks after one instance because my getting first rank every time had become a too ordinary deal for them. But little did they know about the disaster that was going to vandalize their son’s life completely.
But after I came in 11th I don’t know what affected me, I couldn’t perform in studies. Doubts in studies were something …. Read Full
And I was then in what world calls DEPRESSION. Anish would who chatter all the time with people around, had stopped speaking then. Even, when I would meet Rebecca and Ritika, I wouldn’t speak, I would just gaze their face with null expression on my face. Rebecca did ask me a couple of times on phone ki what was the matter, but I was too stubborn to share all this with her. I usage to manage a fake smile temporarily and a few stupid jokes to make her laugh till the phone conversation lasted. But I know she might have known all this in some corner of her heart. Ritika was too busy in her own world to see me suffering. She was least anxious to know about what I was going through. And when at times I would want to share a pinch of this to her, she would end up uninterestingly saying “Kya dukhi aatma banta hai, mast rehneka hota hai, ho gaya na”. I understood, she had no interest in knowing the hell I was in…. Read Full
Mocking and kicking the Setting Sun:
We had a poem titled “Sayankaade”(Meaning: At the Sunset) in 10th standard Gujarati textbook by poet Dalpatram. One of the verses of the poem had these words:
Puje Jano Sau Ugta Ravi Ne
(Meaning: People worship the rising sun only)
When the poem was being explained in the class, I didn’t pay much attention to this one and I remember Anjum teacher said “These are the lessons of life. Its better you learn in the class today else you life will teach them to you practically tomorrow.” And she was so very correct. Little did I know that time that, I was going to be the setting sun soon.
Anish Desai who held a very exalted reputation amongst 11th standard people had suddenly become ZERO for them after the 1st Terminal Results. … Read Full…..
The only positives:
In all this hassle, there were a few things happening positive round the corner. In such circumstances even a small positive appears to be an enormous one for a person facing depression. I had lost my academic status and I had realized it by the end of 11th standard that I am not going to regain the momentum that I had lost. I am not going to regain the 1st rank ever in my school life. It’s not that I had accepted the defeat and succumbed to the downfall, but it was all about accepting God’s commandment. God was teaching me lessons of life, he was making me gold from cheap tin, and so I had to comply to his will. But at the same time God showed me some positives hidden in all these. I will enlist them one by one.
All in all, the two years were the worst academic years of my life with the worst results. But God made me see all this with me in his arms. I was so safe in his arms that these things couldn’t shatter me. Never in those 2 years I cried, because I knew I was in safe ends.
Love & Regards,