Her body, her mind, her choice!

The much lauded recent video of Deepika Padukone directed by Homi Adajania, which I believe intends to promote women empowerment and gender equality, is very good. If it is about gender equality, do the same lines in the video hold true for men? To bring it into perspective, let me write down the corresponding lines for a man, and ladies please tell me if such a man is okay for you to marry?

I am just quoting lines from the video. And will shift the thought to – what if a man said the same lines:

My body, my mind, my choice.

Her body, her mind, her choice.

To wear the clothes I like while my spirit roams naked

I may be unshaved (Those Gillette Razor blades and shaving cream advertisements, where those girls cutely say “Ewww, we don’t like our boyfriend sporting beard. Please be clean shaved when with us atleast”), I may sport long hair, I may have tattoos, I may not wear formals while in a conference or while coming to your home to ask your hand from your parents. – My body, my mind, my choice, RIGHT?

My choice to be a size zero or a size fifty

I won’t hit the gym everyday, I love food, I may have a bulgy belly. Okay right? You wanted a macho man, eh? But you said – My body, my mind, my choice? Oops, I forgot! Video is Indian – Hypocrisy is so much in our genes. When we complain of obese girls not getting guys for marriage, we should know there are obese guys too whom girls reject (and girls rejecting guys is more alright than guys rejecting girls – again according to the video)!

You don’t have a size for my spirit and you’ll never have

But come on, size of my penis does matter? Internet is filled with articles of women leaving men just because he didn’t have a large/long (I didn’t know the correct adjective. Thank god grammar made “/”slash, it came to my rescue 😉 ) enough! And what more? Courts found it to be a valid reason for a divorce!

To use cotton and silk to trap my soul is to believe you can halt the expansion of the universe or capture sunlight in the palm of your hand. Your mind is caged let it free. My body is not, let it be

How profound! Just one question, holds true for men too?

My choice, to marry or not to marry

I remember an idiotic movie called Kya Kehna (The same Anupam Kher, Preity Zinta, Saif Ali Khan and Chandrachur Singh (Yes, there’s an actor by that name 😉 ) shit). The guy is in love with this girl, but doesn’t want to marry. And it became a big deal! Now some 15 years after the movie, we want girls to have choice of not marrying and that becomes – My body, my mind, my choice – Haaye Shabaashe!

To have sex before marriage, to have sex outside marriage to not have sex.

Before Marriage? Outside Marriage ? Not to have Sex? – No comments – Just imagine men doing the three – They do! More than women – but like the way society labels such men? But now Ms. Padukone calls it – My body, my mind, my choice. The burning question (As Chief Justice Arnab puts it) is, just for women?

My choice to love temporarily or last forever

Remember the Kareena Kapoor scene from Jab We Met where she is cursing the jerk who loved her temporarily , “Kutte, Kameena, Tujhe kya laga, tu chod dega mujhe to main roti rahungi. Keede padenge tujhe. Nark ki aang mein jalegi. Teri maa ki….” So now, can Bollywood make a movie like this where the girl is loving temporarily and the guy is cursing her on the phone? But so far in Bollywood, when a girl leaves a guy, our stand has been, “Tumhari khushi mein hi meri khushi hai” Equality boss! Equality bole to? Her body, Her mind, Her choice.

My choice, to love a man, a women or both

Here in Gujarat (Humare Narendrabhai ka state) people call gays – Bailo (meaning: tender, weak and non-masculine). Remember the song from DostanaMaa da ladla bigad gaya! (Gay ban gaya to bigad gaya?) I’ve seen coffee shops where chicks mock gays openly! But a girl holding other girl’s hand is still hot! Of course, her body, her mind, her choice!

Remember you’re my choice, I am not your privilege

Dictionary defines privilege as “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.” Reservation for women – women empowerment. Alimony/Maintenance after divorce (even if she’s well educated. Remember the Suzzane Khan, Hritik Roshan case? How many crores?) – her right. Talking about choice – We’re no longer in a time where a girl is a man’s choice – (the guy goes down on his knees to be her choice, rightly so! Woman is the most beautiful creation of God bhai – I seriously mean it!). But do not forget, it is her body, her mind, her choice. “Hers”, okay?

The bindi on my forehead, the ring on my finger, they can be replaced. My love for you cannot. So treasure that.

Ditto Deepika, ditto! Tattoos on my biceps of your name, the ring in my finger can be replaced. My love for you, cannot! But remember, it is her body, her mind, her choice. “Hers”, okay?

My choice to come home when I want. Don’t be upset if I come home at 4 AM. Don’t be fooled if I come at 6 PM

Hindi films “Aji aaj office se jaldi aana”. “He comes late at nights. May be he visits bars, pubs, discos or may be he’s sleeping with some other woman in his office”. OR “He comes so early, probably he works in some shitty public sector job. That’s why they don’t have a good car at home, you see?”

My choice to have your baby or not

Ditto Deepika, Ditto! India surely doesn’t have couples like Mr and Mrs. Underwood of House of Cards. Imagine a woman saying “I think it’s the right time to have a family, have a baby” and a man saying “No, I am not ready for it! I want to earn a couple of millions more?” (He doesn’t love me, he’s all about money and career). It is her body, her mind, her choice. “Hers”, okay?

Also, since man is a woman’s choice and it is her choice to have his baby, then, this holds true for every other woman in the universe? If so, then the same man can be some other woman’s choice and she would want to have his baby? So in such circumstances what should a man do? According to the video, since everything in the universe is her choice, and in fact she herself is the universe (she says in the video ahead), the man should just succumb and allow any woman in the universe to fuck him and have his baby – again this is what video says!

My choice to pick you from 7 billion choices or not. So don’t get cocky!

Ms. Padukone, is the offer valid for men too? Or is it again her body, her mind, her choice?

My pleasure may be your pain, my songs your noise, my order your anarchy

Ms. Padukone, do you really mean it when you say this? Which educated man today doesn’t want the well being and happiness of women in the story. (Nothing changes by their wanting or not wanting it. Everyone has the right to be happy, be it a man or a woman). Who considers her songs a noise? (Taylor Swift is so melodious. But yes Honey Singh is definitely sexist, chauvinist, vulgar and all bad adjectives)

My choice are like my finger prints, they make me unique

Ditto Deepika, Ditto! But what about women judging men on their choice? Or is it again her body, her mind, her choice? Hers only?

I am the tree of the forest, snowflake of the snowfall

Lovely personification! I know it is put to create an effect. I know what Marketing is Mr. Homi Adajania. I wish you kept the cause of women at the centre! How I wish you did that in the video. I will spare this line from my scrutiny. (As if it mattered! 😛  Remember it is her body, her mind, her choice! Hers only. Not his!)

I chose to empathize or to be indifferent. I choose to be different.

Perfect! Will it be okay for the man too?

I am the universe. Infinite in every direction. This is my choice.

“Owww! A man saying he’s the universe? What the hell does he think of himself? Fucking chauvinist, narcissist, patriarch, Hitler, Khap-Panchayat-type jerk”. Remember it is her body, her mind, her choice! Hers only.

With the above interpretation of the video and the conjoined rhetoric “her body, her mind, her choice”, I don’t intend to impede the cause of women empowerment. I’m in for the cause, as much as any empowered woman is! I reckon, women are suffering, especially in an insanely patriarchal society like India! They have acids thrown over them, they are raped, they’re oppressed, they are judged on their dressing and all sort of nonsense. What I want to assume and believe is every educated (academically and socially) man in the country is with the women in their fight to equality and even superiority if I may say so. I whole heartedly agree that it is the feminine gender that does a lot and is often not acknowledged for the same, let alone praises.

 Feminism is good, hardcore feminism is good too. But while advocating equality are we making a room for unfairness? Are we being just and right while pursuing the cause? Women empowerment is a cause that is the need of hour and it needs to be pursued in the most correct way possible.

What I am against is: the way in which the video is made. The video majorly (read again: majorly) captures the urban woman. Rather than promoting equality, the video is going absolutely tangent on the cause of women empowerment and in part tends to be unfair to the masculine gender. All what video is doing is just exploiting the cause and emotions related to women empowerment to market vogue – cheap marketing Mr. Adajania! And rightly so, as it is made for Vogue, which means “the prevailing fashion or style at a particular time.” The fashion of the time is : Insanity

P.S. I forgot to caution in the beginning of the post, the content is fatal for people suffering from Offensivitis – the recent plague spread over internet.

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દીક્ષાંત સમારોહ: એક અનંત પાનખરની પહોર

ખિલવા થી ખરવા ની સફર..

એક મેદાનમાં વાંસના લાકડા પર બનેલો વિશાળ પંડાલ, સવારના ૮ વાગ્યે લગભગ સાવ ખાલી. ખાલીપણું એની વિશાળતાને જાણે હજીય વધારી દે. જોતા જ જોતા ૯ વાગ્યા સુધી આ પંડાલમાં અઢી થી ત્રણ હજારનું માનવમેહરામણ એકઠું થઇ જાય. દીક્ષાંત સમારોહના પારંપરીક પહેરવેશમાં નવજાત એન્જીનીયરો તેમના વાલીયો સાથે આવી એક અનોખા કૌતુક સાથે સ્ટેજ તરફ આંખો ટકાવી બેસી જાય. ડીડીયુના વિદ્યાર્થી તરીકે નહિ પણ ચાર વર્ષ ઘણા એવા લોકોને જોનાર પ્રેક્ષકની દ્રષ્ટિએ જો પંડાલમાં બેઠેલા વિદ્યાર્થીમિત્રોના ચેહરા પરની લાગણીયોનું વર્ણન કરું તો ઘણી અસીમ વ્યાખ્યાઓ પણ ભોંઠી પડી જાય. સાહેબ, અતિશયોક્તિ જરાય નથી કરી રહ્યો. ચાર વર્ષમાં એકાએક જર્નલ-શબમિશન, ઇન્ટરનલ-એક્સટરનલ, વાયવા, નખરાળ પ્રોફેસરોનાં નખરાં અને નડિયાદ-ગામની અનેક પ્રતિકૂળતાઓથી વ્યથિત ચેહરાઓ પર આજે આખરે સંતોષ અને આનંદ છલકાતો દેખાય છે. ઉપરની બે લાઈનને જો સંક્ષિપ્તમાં કહું તો – “હાશ! છુટ્યા…”નો ભાવ! મોટા ભાગનાં લોકોના અંત:કરણમાં હજી એ લાગણીનો સાક્ષાત્કાર નથી થયો હોતો કે અત્યારે જેમની સાથે બેઠા છીએ, જેમની સાથે મસ્તી-ઠઠ્ઠા કરી રહ્યા છીએ, એ લોકો હવે ફરી ક્યારે જોવા મળશે એ તો નિયતિ સ્વયં પણ ખુબ ગણિત પછી જ કહી શકશે. પણ થોડાંક મારા જેવા પણ હોય જે આજુબાજુની દરેક બારીકીને પોતાની આંખ અને પોતાના દિલમાં સમાવી લેવા માંગતા હોય છે, કારણ કે કાલથી “લાઈફ” બદલાઈ જવાની છે.

ઘડિયાળ આશરે ૯.૩૦ બતાવે ત્યારે “એકેડેમિક પ્રોશેશન” પંડાલમાં પધારે. મોટાભાગનાં વિદ્યાર્થીઓ સમારોહની આ પરંપરાને પેહલી વખત જોઈ રહ્યા હોય છે અને આ વિધિની ભવ્યતાને જોઈ સ્તબ્ધ રહી જાય છે. (જે વાંચકમિત્રો અત્યારે ડીડીયુમાં અભ્યાસ કરી રહ્યા છે એ આ લાગણીને “ફર્સ્ટ પર્સન”માં અનુભવી શકે તે માટે “એકેડેમિક પ્રોશેશન” શું છે એ નથી લખી રહ્યો). વી.સી સાહેબનાં અભીભાષણથી સમારોહની શરૂઆત થાય છે. એમનાં આશિરવચન અને સલાહ સંભાળતી વખતે બે મિનીટ માટે એવું લાગે કે આ દીક્ષાંત પંડાલ નહિ પણ MMH છે અને અવસર દીક્ષાંત સમારોહ નહિ પણ ઓરીએન્ટેશન છે! ડીડીયુમાં તો જીંદગી પૂરો ગોળાકાર બનાવે છે! છેલ્લે, જ્યારે સાહેબ કહે “તમે સૌ આ યુનિવર્સીટીની બહાર પગ મૂકતા જીંદગીનાં અનેક રંગોને જોશો….” ત્યારે જાણે એક ચુંબક વર્તમાનમાં પાછું ખેંચી લાવે એવી ભ્રાંતિ થાય છે! પછી જેઓ શિદ્દતથી ૪ વર્ષ ભણતર વ્યવસ્થાને મહત્તમ માન આપ્યું (ટોપ્પર) હોય એ લોકોને થોડાંક સોનાથી (તાંબા પર સોનેરી રંગેલું ચક્ર – ગોલ્ડ મેડલ) વધાવામાં આવે છે. દરેક ડીપાર્ટમેન્ટનો ટોપ્પર સ્ટેજ પર મેડલ લેવા આવે ત્યારે સૌથી જોરથી હુરિયો (કાઠીયાવાડી શબ્દ) કયું ડીપાર્ટમેન્ટ પાડે એની હોડ લાગે છે! આ બધા વિધિ-વિધાનમાં મસ્તી-ઠઠ્ઠા તો ચાલ્યા જ રાખે. અને ભલે ને આજે છેલ્લો દિવસ હોય, પ્રોફેસરસાહેબો આજે પણ “માઈન્ડ” કરવાની ડયુટી પર! ખાલી આજે “વાયવામાં જોઈ લઈશ”ની ધમકીનો ડર નથી હોતો! જોતાં જ જોતાં બે-અઢી કલાક ક્યાં પસાર થઇ જાય એનું કઈ ભાન નથી રેહતું. ચાર વર્ષ સાથે રહેલા જોગીયો લાગણીથી સર્જાયલા વેક્યુંમમાં બહાર ફેકાઈ દુનિયાનું ગુરુત્વાકર્ષણ અનુભવે છે!

બધા લાગણીથી ભાવવિભોર થઇ ખુરશીમાં જ બેઠા-બેઠા કે જગ્યા પર જ ઉભા રહી ભેટે છે. એક મિનીટ માટે એમ લાગે જાણે જો હું મારા ભાઈબંધને જોસથી વળગી રહીશ તો કદાચ સમય રોકાઈ જાય! કદાચ અમે ડીડીયુમાં ફરી થી રહી જઈએ! આખરે, વર્તમાનની સામે નમતું જોખતાં, લોકો ભાઈબંધ નહિ તો ભાઈબંધીની યાદોને અમર કરીને પોતાના કાળજાને સાંત્વના આપે છે. ફોટા પાડવાની તો જેમ હોડ લાગે, અને કેમ નહિ. કોલેજથી ડિગ્રી જેટલું જ કંઈક મહત્વનું લઇ જતાં હોઈએ (ઈનફેક્ટ વધારે) તો એ મિત્રો સાથેની અમુલ્ય યાદો. અને માણસની રચના જ એવી કરી છે ઈશ્વરે કે એને દુનિયામાં સૌથી પ્રિય જે હોય એને એ પોતાનામાં બંધ કરી લેવા માંગે છે, ભલે એ પૈસો હોય જે મુઠ્ઠીમાં બંધ કરે કે પછી અંગત સાથે ની યાદો જે એ કેમેરામાં કૈદ કરે. ફોટા પડાવ્યા પછી બધા મળતા રેહેવાના વાયદા કરે! (આ કદાચ “3 Idiots” નો સીન લાગે, પણ જ્યારે સ્વયં અનુભવો ત્યારે એ માહૌલની ઊર્મિનો અંદાજ આવે!) મારા કાઠીયાવાડી મિત્રોથી છાસની લત્ત અને ના ને બદલે “માં” બોલવા સિવાય કંઈક સારું શીખ્યો હોઉં તો એ છે – “ચલ ભાઈ મઈડા ત્યારે” બોલવાનું. આ વાક્યમાં એક અજબની સકારાત્મકતા લાગે છે. બોલનાર અને સાંભળનાર બન્નેને ખબર હોય કે આ ફક્ત મનને એક આશ્વાસન છે (મોટા અંશે ખોટું) તો પણ બોલનારો બોલવાનું ભૂલતો નથી અને સંભાળનારા “હા ભાઈ/ભૂરા/કાકા, ચોક્કસ” કહીને એને આવકારે છે.

ભેગું થયેલું હજારોનું માનવમેહેરામણ બપોરના બે વાગતા સુધીમાં અશ્રુઓ સાથે વહી જાય છે. વિચાર એ આવે છે કે નિયતિનો સંયોગ તો જુવો એક માંને એનો દીકરો ચાર વર્ષ પછી પાછો મળે છે અને ડીડીયુની ભૂમિ-રૂપિ બીજીમાં અપાર સંભારણા અને લાગણીથી પોશેલાં અનેક દીકરા-દીકરીઓને એક સાથે વિદા કરે છે. નડિયાદને ભલે કેટલીય ગાળ દઈએ, પણ આ ભૂમિની સહનશક્તિને તો સલામ આપવી પડે. પાનખર પછી તો વૃક્ષ પણ સુનું દેખાય છે, જાણે વિરહમાં ઓતપ્રોત થઇ ગયું હોય, પણ આપડા કોલેજની જમીન, એની પાનખર તો એક જ દિવસે ઉમટી પડે છે, એના તો હજારો પાંદડા એક જ દિવસે ખરી રહ્યા છે. એને તો આપણને શૂન્ય-દિવસ થી જોયેલા છે – MMHમાં બેસતા, લેબ-ક્લાસરૂમ શોધતા, પેહલી વખત કેન્ટીનમાં જતાં, થાકેલા હારેલા કૉલેજથી મેદાનમાં થઇ હોસ્ટેલ પહોંચતા, પેહલી વાર બંક મારી રાજહંસ જતાં, કરચરલ વીકમાં ગાર્ડનમાં બેસી ટોળામાં અનેક ઘોષ્ટિઓ કરતાં અને બીજી અનેક સંવેદનાઓમાં આ ભૂમિમાં બરાબરની ભાગીદાર રહી છે. એની સંવેદના વિશે આપણે કોઈ દિવસે વિચાર્યું? અને આ પાનખર તો અનંત છે, હજારો વિદા થયેલા પાછા ફરી ક્યારે આવશે કે કેમ? કે પછી અમદાવાદ-બરોડા-સુરતમાં બસ નડિયાદને ગાળ આપતા રહી જશે. પણ સાહેબ, છોરું કછોરું થાય પણ માવતર કમાવતર ક્યારેય નથી થતું.

હમણા જ ઓગસ્ટ મહિનામાં ગ્રેજ્યુએશન પછી પેહલી વાર હું કોલેજમાં ગયો. ચકડોળ જેવો નાનો અમસ્તો ગેટ ફરાવી અંદર ઘૂસતા જ જાણે કોલેજની જમીને એ મને એની બાથમાં લઇ લીધો હોય એમ લાગ્યું. એક ટીપું તો સાહેબ મેં પણ પાડ્યું! એક બાજુંથી સેન્ટર ફોયોર તો બીજી બાજુંથી કેન્ટીન રાડ પાડીને બોલાવતાં હોય એવો ભાસ થયો.

સેન્ટર ફોયોર: “અલ્યા યાદ છે અહિયાં તો ડેસ્ક મૂકી કેટલીય ઇવેન્ટનાં registration કર્યા છે, કેટલાય પોસ્ટર મારે થામ્બ્લે લગાડ્યા ‘તા”.

કેન્ટીન: “અલ્યા, પેહલાં અહિયાં જો. મારી અંદર બેસીને કેટલીય જર્નલ લખી છે, એક્ઝામ પેહલા અહિયાં જ તો બેસી વાંચતો ‘તો! કેટલાય મિત્રોની બર્થડે પર એમને અહિયાં જ તો કેકથી રંગ્યા ‘તા અને મારો ફ્લોર બગડ્યો તો, એ ભૂલી ગયો શું?”

આવી ઘણીય ભ્રાંતિમાં ખોવાયેલો હું ગુલાબી બિલ્ડીંગની વાયે આગળ વધ્યો. ડોકું ઝુકાવીને ચાલતો ‘તો, ક્યાંક રેતીમાં કસેક ચાર વર્ષમાં પડેલું મારું જ એકાદ પગલું દેખાઈ જાય! ના જડ્યું તો આજનાં તો જમીન પર છપાઈ જાય… એટલા માં વરસાદ તૂટી પડ્યો! સાહેબ, કુદરત પણ ખરી ચાર્ટર્ડ એકોઉંનટંટ છે, ખરો હિસાબ રાખે છે. આપડે ભૂલી જઈએ કે આપડો સમય આ ભૂમિ સાથે ચાર વર્ષનો જ છે, એ પછી નહિ આપડે કે આપડા પગલાં અહિયાં રહે છે. વરસાદે મારાં પગ-નિશાન ધોઈ ફરી યાદ અપાવી દીધું – “ચાર વર્ષ પૂરા! હવે તો ભાઈ ALUMNI કેહવાઓ!” ૯ મે, ૨૦૧૪ના રોજ શરૂ થયેલી પાનખર આજીવન રેહશે. હવે દુરથી બસ ડીડીયુમાં જુનિયરોની ઝાકળ જોઈ થોડોક આનંદ અનુભવું છું!

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Attaining Poise

“Bhaiya, what is the difference between 911MS and 911ES? Which one do we buy?” I asked a guy two years senior to me in a compartment presumably oscillating in Simple Harmonic Motion on a rail-track of western line. “Get a 911ES. Though Profs can’t stand it, but it’s programmable. Maths mein 45 karne mein kaam aayega” he said. “45? Sounds like a special number, eh?” I asked, surprised and inquisitive. “Boy, you’re a DDIT guy now. The numbers 24, 36 and 45 now should mean more than just the figure specifications of girls. These are the numbers you’ll always look for, not just pertaining to girls but pertaining to exam.” he scoffed. “I’ve heard, these people detain if your attendance goes below 75%. Really?” “Bacche, first year mein notice board par fatwa nahi lagate yeh log… Jalse maar le…” he scuffed my back in confidence. “Fatwa?” I questioned. “Yes! Soon you’ll realize faculties here are big fans of each and every student. If they see your autograph less often in the attendance sheet, you’re reported at the high. However, they choose to inform you of their dissent publicly on notice board each month.” he said and we descended the train.

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“Bhaiya, what is the difference between 911MS and 911ES? Which one do we buy?” I asked a guy two years senior to me in a compartment presumably oscillating in Simple Harmonic Motion on a rail-track of western line. “Get a 911ES. Though Profs can’t stand it, but it’s programmable. Maths mein 45 karne mein kaam aayega” he said. “45? Sounds like a special number, eh?” I asked, surprised and inquisitive. “Boy, you’re a DDIT guy now. The numbers 24, 36 and 45 now should mean more than just the figure specifications of girls. These are the numbers you’ll always look for, not just pertaining to girls but pertaining to exam.” he scoffed. “I’ve heard, these people detain if your attendance goes below 70%. Really?” I continued interrogating him. “Bacche, first year mein notice board par fatwa nahi lagate yeh log… Jalse maar le…” he scuffed my back in confidence. “Fatwa?” I questioned. “Yes! Soon you’ll realize faculties here are big fans of each and every student. If they see your autograph less often in the attendance sheet, you’re reported at the high. However, they choose to inform you of their dissent publicly on notice board each month.” he said and we descended the train on Nadiad.

The above para was an excerpt from one of the few conversations I’d with a guy two years senior to me when I was an infant in the DDU realm. Coming from a school which was too whimsical about attendance and discipline, I quibbled less about DDU than the other freshly detained prisoners of academics (the term scribbled on one of the desks in MMH- bestowed upon the newly enrolled by the ‘pros’ of DDU CONCENTRATION CAMP – again a term scribbled on MMH DESK.) It just took me the first internal of 1st semester to hop from ‘pro-DDU’ to ‘anti-DDU’ clan amongst the students. Centuries ago, as it feels today – I used to be nervous due an exam every month. Not only girls, but even exams in DDU brought claustrophobia to me. Bunking a lecture, I thought would not suit my image of a ‘Mumma’s boy’ and hence I glued my bums over the perforated MMH seats with restrain. I worked not for a total of 36 on three but a 36 on 36 in one! I then, also cared as to who mugged up the max and managed to get his/her marks printed in bold in the mark-sheet displayed on the notice board. Then I would get pretty amused to see my fellow prisoners in the cellular jail in Nadiad METRO CITY getting magnetized to the notice-board quicker than the coins would magnetize to the player running in Temple Run when the Magnet power-up would activate. However, today I infer that the power-up in Temple Run was probably enthused from DDUians! Writing journals (and record books too – I belonged to the IT CELL in the prison earlier) was as important as drafting a law and getting it signed without a flaw by the Prof was as difficult as getting a bill signed by Gujarat Governor Kamla Beniwal. Owing to my highly proactive tongue, I would get into rampant verbal brawls with professors when they’d ask us – the 1st semers that- how overwhelmed we were by DDU. I would naively elaborate on how DDU was giving us an awesome time then! Though I would reach from the canteen to MMH and fro without a stumble, I felt my feet were trembling then.

3 years later, I seemed to have improved my vocabulary of life and updated it as well. I walk-off blatantly to bunk lectures regardless of dampening the “Mumma’s Boy” image within me. I’ve shed off the claustrophobic shade of mine in context of exams and today I deal like a stud with them, taking them on a ride each month they come. (Though exams are no joy, but as one of my friends puts it “You experience orgasm only once you’re fucked.”) I’ve now comprehended that ‘happy endings’ matter more than ‘dhamakedar entry’ and hence I’ve learnt finding peace in a 36 in 3 exams rather than a solo 36. Journals to me are a metaphor to ACCOUNT BOOKS which on being found inaccurate and un-updated with the latest plagiarized data would lead to RAID.  I’ve drilled it to my taste-buds that Payal Puff and ChaarBhuja are Dominos and Subway and I’ve told the Amdavadi within me that Nadiad was soon going to have an International Terminal.

I don’t crib about anything in the college or about the town in which my collage is located in now, for two reasons – Either i) the thing I had a problem with has already changed to what I’d wanted it to. OR ii) I realized I’d have to comply with it if I wanted to finish my graduation in four years. Today I walk comfortably all over the campus and there remains no path untraversed. The soil now grips my feet well. Has the soil changed? Or have the paths become hurdle-less?  Probably what has changed over 3 years is – I’ve learnt walking. I feel my feet have finally attained poise.

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Living life the processor way!

In this post, I try to explain some processing concepts (pertaining to Microprocessor and its Architecture) in context to our everyday life. Ones who currently have their feet balanced on the grounds of Computers, IT and Electronics and Communications might find this blog-post might be a little amusing and to the ROW (rest of the world) this is to educate you about the processors.

                With a semester having curriculum dispelled around embedded system concepts and specifically the “Micro‘processor’”, it’s hard to refrain from establishing an analogy between the processor and humans. To be more precise, any person with a philosophical tinge would at some point of time halt while reading Douglas V Hall and think – “This is what happens with life too…” While the philosophical minded believe that nature is again at its best conjure, the logical and non-creative ones think it’s time for yet another crappy stuff which was just induced and not natural. In this post, I try to explain some processing concepts (pertaining to Microprocessor and its Architecture) in context to our everyday life. Ones who currently have their feet balanced on the grounds of Computers, IT and Electronics and Communications might find this blog-post might be a little amusing (Yes, here I begin boasting) and to the ROW (rest of the world) this is to educate you about the processors. Here I begin:

1)      Pipelining:

Our computing experience would have been damn demure and as slow as Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s scripts had the concept of pipelining not been floated. Pipelining is simple words means doing two or more tasks in such a way that while the first one is being process you fetch the second one and being processing it. This efficiently keeps your “Fast” processor busy enough and saves your time. I believe the concept is no “Eureka” material for the floater of this concept has just copied the lifestyle of some of the busiest guys around. With life keeping me on my toes with DDU Connect, websites, large circle of friends, family and (word not to be typed here), it’s pipelining that helps me save some bucks which otherwise I would have used to hire a secretary to “manage” my time.

                Nothing goes ON forever (The sentence has deeper implications, but not meant to be elaborated here). Everything halts (not stops) at some instance time. Hence by the time something is taking its time to be processed, why not switch over to other tasks. Talking about my personal life breathing in a college with bromidic atmosphere, 3 sessionals and DDU Connect do take up some hours out of those odd 24. We work month round for DDU Connect as we need to let out an issue every month. An exam every month is certainly not what every person fasting asks god for in his wish. As soon as the monthly torture gets over, it’s time to rub your butts hard enough in order to send DDU Connect’s Nth issue to printing press. Where’s life? Life is where you give it place. We (I’m referring to Editors and Designers in DDU Connect) find our little or more life while the newspaper is being printed at the press. Our family, our girlfriends/boyfriends and our hobbies receive our courtesy while the copies are being minted at the press. After that is again time for DDU and DDU Connect.

                My motive to narrate this is that “I” believe we’re (People in DDU Connect) efficient processors with good pipelining mechanism for neither does DDU Connect suffer and nor do people around us quibble too much for our attention. Hence, while there is one thing being executed take up the other, life is easier. Multi-tasking is never possible, but who says you can‘t illusion it?

2)      Overclocking

Intel Core i5 3.30GHz. Essential to clock the processor at 3.30 GHz? Nah!! To unleash your processor’s real processing mettle, unlock it and clock it at a higher rate to give it a ride in heaven. Overclocking is the process of making a computer or component operate faster than the clock frequency specified by the manufacturer by modifying system parameters. (Most commonly the clock frequency is modified; alternatively changing the operating voltage too is termed as overclocking). The purpose of overclocking is to increase the operating speed of given hardware. Many people overclock or ‘rightclock’ their hardware to improve its performance. This is practiced more by enthusiasts than professional users seeking an increase in the performance of their computers.

If techies can overclock their processors to improve its performance, why can’t we overclock ourselves to mitigate our own performance? By using the term “overclocking” in conjunction with humans I intend to convey the cliché message of “walking the extra mile”. It’s imperative to walk that extra mile if you want to excel at “ALL” fronts in life.

Talking about personal life, the concept of pipelining does pose up a number of challenges for you. You take you multiple instructions simultaneously, but how do you cope up? There are times you’ve got to skip meals; you don’t get sleep for days together, no movies for month, no outing and a lot of no’s. But all this pertains to us, our own mindset, doesn’t it? It’s all about tricking your mind to “overclock yourself”. Make your mind believe you’re not hungry, tell it repeatedly that you don’t need sleep, tell it that movies and entertainment are just a waste of time and overclocking yourself, crossing your own boundaries will be much more easier.

Technically overclocking does have tradeoffs like heating up the processor. But the gain is mightier than the tradeoff. Similarly, overclocking yourself has a higher gain of professional and personal accomplishments (better academics, extra-curriculars etc. OR personal stuff like giving an hour to parents or better half @ night, they will be really happy) compared of tradeoff like giving away your sleep for nights together.

It’s up to you. You can overclock yourself to make the most of your mettle or be an under-achiever on somebody’s TIME magazine.

When things don’t fit in given limits, just change the limits

3)      Out of order execution

Have taken up engineering, studying, slogging, mugging, awaiting the degree, degree not in hands till 4 years. Degree not in hands, hence nobody allows me in job-interviews. Ah, I can’t work! Girlfriend ka kharcha nahi nikalta… Parents se zyada maang nahi sakte… Caught in the order of – FIRST STUDIES and THEN WORK? Then what you need to do is “Go out of the order”.

Out-of-the-order execution is a paradigm in the processing world which states that if the CPU doesn’t have operands for a particular operation available it can go out of the order of a typical instruction cycle (like Inst Fetch, Decode, Fetch Op, Execute Inst and Store Result) and go to another instruction to execute it.

Somehow I find crowd in my college too tamed. People love sticking to pre-established principles one of them being “Studies first”. I’ve so many people around with exceptional talents and skills, but it’s the order, the sequence which has prisoned them and has not allowed them to come out of their cocoons.

For today’s youth, it requires that some pre-established notions need to be broken. If you want to achieve something you’ll have to go out of the order. Do something ‘out-of-the-order’. Learn something before it’s taught in college (doesn’t imply mugging a text-book chapter a day before it’s taught by the prof), earn before you’re placed in 7th semester or teach before you become a professor… These are some things that help you stand out from the crowd. If you don’t want to be jealous seeing somebody in the limelight, then the best way is you yourself become the limelight. To do this, I don’t mean to adopt unfair or manipulative means. I am just asking you to do something unconventional as per your standards. Always remember, extend your own line rather than erasing others’ line.

Nobody till date has ever got name, fame or success by doing conventional things. They’ve defied pre-existing notions, they’ve gone ‘out-of-order’ and achieved.

So, if we can program a processor to go out-of-order then I believe we definitely can adopt the same.

4)      Caching

The last in my list – caching, is I believe the simplest and most fundamental of all. In computing jargon, caching refers to predicting which data is needed often and keeping it ready before hand in a way that it can be accessed faster than usual.

Even humans can cache certain things. For things I coin a “Predict & Prepare” principle. F*** the astrologers, we laymen are better predictors of events in OUR OWN life. Trust yourself and your instinct to know what is in store for you in the immediate future. The best case in this situation is making your future yourself. Computer has a limitation because it has a user and it has to predict the behavior of that user for caching data. But you, you are your own user. Either predict things for yourself or make things for yourself. Once done, prepare yourself well in advance so that when the data request comes, you don’t “miss” it but “hit” it.

 

Above four mentioned techniques are a few paradigms that boost up a processor’s performance. Applied to our life, they can boost ours. This was no sophistry, it was sheer logic worth application in real-time. I am no oracle to preach such things. I thought sharing it would coin a new perspective and your response will judge if it was worth the effort.

Love & Regards,

Anish.

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Kevi Rite Jaish: A Gujarati and a Gujarati’s Film

The time moved but Gollywood didn’t. In Bollywood, Basanti, Mala, Rupa etc. later turned to Basil, Malaika and Ronny respectively but Gollywood’s Radha just remained Radha irking the spectator’s senses in most of the Gujju film titles like “Radha Tara Vina Mane Gamtu Nathi” or “Radha odhi Main chundadi Tara Naam ni”. But suddenly there descends a totally unconventional path breaking Gujju flick titled “Kevi Rite Jaish” on the box office, just like a radiant planet amongst several somber stars in the sky of Gollywood. Kevi Rite Jaish – an epoch making Gujarati film which has just arrived at the Cinema Halls has raised the bar of Gujarati Cinema to a billion folds in all aspects – be it the coherent way of telling a brilliantly scripted story, be it the flawless cinematography captured over the horizon of urban Ahmedabad or be it the rejuvenating music (which again is completely different from those in old Gujju films, yet preserving the “Gujarati Asmita”). Read more as I review the film in different aspects.

                  The sky is adorned with countless stars but, not of all them twinkle. At a personal level I feel, most of them are just to fill up the bare sky. But there comes a time in a year, when there comes a radiant planet shining bright amidst the sombre stars and leaves the masses and spectators in awe by its flamboyance. In an era where Bollywood prefers just urban locations of Delhi and Mumbai and many a times New York – London lush streets, Gollywood (The Gujarati Film Industry) torments the audience with dull rural locations. Location wouldn’t have been that big issue, if there was something else to compensate. But Gollywood so far has disappointed the audiences in all arenas, showing a cult male lead with a bulgy belly clad in ‘Kediya’ and the female in ‘Chaniya Choli’ regardless of the story or message of the film.

            The time moved but Gollywood didn’t. In Bollywood, Basanti, Mala, Rupa etc. later turned to Basil, Malaika and Ronny respectively but Gollywood’s Radha just remained Radha irking the spectator’s senses in most of the Gujju film titles like “Radha Tara Vina Mane Gamtu Nathi” or “Radha odhi Main chundadi Tara Naam ni”. But suddenly there descends a totally unconventional path breaking Gujju flick titled “Kevi Rite Jaish” on the box office, just like a radiant planet amongst several somber stars in the sky of Gollywood.

                I believe, Kevi Rite Jaish – an epoch making Gujarati film which has just arrived at the Cinema halls has raised the bar of Gujarati Cinema to a billion folds in all aspects – be it the coherent way of telling a brilliantly scripted story, be it the flawless cinematography captured over the horizon of urban Ahmedabad or be it the rejuvenating music (which again is completely different from those in old Gujju films, yet preserving the “Gujarati Asmita”). Not just these technical aspects of film making, but the elegant performances delivered with an aplomb by a well-maneuvered blend of veteran and new faces just can’t keep the audiences refrained from going gaga over the film.

                Coming to the performances of the actors, they’ve been almost flawless. Everyone in the frame contributed to the plot as much as the leads did. Veterans like Rakesh Bedi, Tom Alter, Anang Desai, and Kenneth Desai deliver performance as high as expected by the audiences who have seen them over the years. Freshers too don’t disappoint at all. Divyang Thakkar, the male lead is brilliantly juxtaposed in Harish Patel’s character. He looks a typical Amdvadi Patel youth who’s too much into US stuff, ofcourse just due to his father. The expression he hurls towards the camera when he’s stumped seeing the NRI girl heralds the audience about his mystic performance which follows in the film ahead. Veronica Gautam as Ayushi Patel is not at all bad. She’s looks cute and delivers her part as given by the director. Even the supporting casts which play Harish’s friends have given their best and just add to the bonding developed between the white screen and the pushback chairs.

                It will be really unfair if I end hurling these praises to “Kevi Rite Jaish” without mentioning about the music. All the tracks in the film are well composed and sung equally well but the ones which shine out are “Aa Safar” (sung by Parthiv Gohel and Aishwarya Majmudar) and the modified rock version of “Pankhida” (the famous Gujarati garba transfigured to a US-maniac’s version).

                “Unconventional” is the apt epithet for “Kevi Rite Jaish” is what I feel. The reason being, director Abhishek Jain and story writer Anish Shah have kept the film totally devoid of cinematic clichés. In most of the Bollywood films where the hero majestically enters the frame on a stylish high cc bike, the lead in Kevi Rite Jaish crusades on the Amdavadi streets on a simple “Honda Activa” with the female lead sitting behind as much satiated as she would have been on a bike.

                Another adjective which I think is appropriate to confer upon “Kevi Rite Jaish” is – COMPLETE. The film is an absolutely complete package of entertainment for audiences of all age groups. (YES! All age groups. I saw the film @ Cinepolis, Alpha One Mall, and the auditorium had kids, youths, mid-aged as well as SENIOR CITIZENS too in balanced numbers). The film is well composed with all elements of good cinema like – COMEDY, ROMANCE, EMOTIONS, and FAMILY DRAMA etc. And the credit for this goes to the director for carrying all these tastes along with the main agenda of the film which is “getting visa for US”. The hero romances with the heroine but again there has to be “US jau che” in that, small disputes in family but again revolving around “US jau che” and comedy ofcourse pertaining to “US jau che”. Not for a moment the film has disorientated from its subject and the director and the screenplay writer have to be lauded for this.

                Lastly, if you’ve read the title of the article carefully, I’ve titled it as “Kevi Rite Jaish: A Gujarati and a Gujarati’s film”. Well a Gujarati film because of the dialogues being delivered in Gujarati, but a Gujarati’s film because of the way the film seamlessly bonds with every Gujarati seeing it. Had the director just wanted to make a film in Gujarati language, he would have chosen a city like Mumbai also where most of the films are shot and then narrate a story about a Patel there. But no, as I mentioned earlier, the cast of Kevi Rite Jaish has kept the film totally devoid of conventions. There was an unwritten rule in Indian cinema that a hero can take the heroine on a stride just to a “Khau Gali” in Mumbai or a “Chandni Chawk” in Delhi. But Kevi Rite Jaish has defied all these conventions in a magnificent manner. Director Abhishek Jain chooses Ahmedabad’s famous eating junction – “Manek Chawk” and leaves audience in a pleasant awe. Mention of staple Gujarati dishes like Khakhra-Thepla, just strengthens the connection which the film establishes with the audience just in a few minutes after its commencement.

              The dialogues have been written with utter sensitivity with a tinge of wit which just strike point blank at the Gujju hearts. There are dialogues in Amdavadi slang which are well aimed at Gujarati youths. For instance, when Harish (the male lead) gets a call from his girlfriend his friends start teasing him and try to hamper the phone conversation, immediately then a frustrated Harish in response says, “Haa, aao, badha mali ne lai lo maari”. And needless to cite the youths in the theatre whistled like uncultured goons at this. But not their fault, as the dialogue writer’s arrow had hit the right target. We’ve heard a lot of mundane dialogues in Hindi cinema which a hero uses to express his love for his mother, but again the director hits a master-stroke by involving the gujju weakness – FOOD in the most emotional dialogue. For instance, in the end when Harish (the male lead) finds his mother at the airport and wants to tell her the reason for not boarding the flight to US, he says “Mummy tara khakhra ane Thepla na bhaar j etlo hato ke, eni saathe hu America kevi rite jai shaku”. I remember, at this amazing dialogue the audience in the theatre had three simultaneous reactions – their eyes wet, a smile of emotional joy and finally a hearty applaud.

To all those would want to now ask me about how much would I like to rate the film on 5; I would brazenly decline to do the honors, for I believe “Kevi Rite Jaish” is an unparalleled Gujarati ecstasy which is meant to be just savored and not rated boss!

P.S. An appeal to all brethren who even know Gujarati (and of course my fellow Amdavadis), this is a MUST-WATCH. If you miss it, you miss one of the best contemporaries ever made in not just Gujarati but Indian cinema!

Love & Regards,

Anish.

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